Humko aata nahi hai chupaana...

Do you know friends!!! What is my problem?
Although I have reached to the stage of youth from early stage of adolescence, but without crossing the intermediate stage of 'maturity'.Perhaps my mom nurtured me only with COMPLAN(6 feet +) instead of proper IODINE salt(a slow learner).Asking right question to ownself can be terribly important in most of the situations.Especially, when people escape just by saying, they are answerable to themselves only.
Anyway,My emotion aroused again(I can't help it), as the day has come for which I have waited so long,more than anyone else possibly would have.But when the day is at my door step, I am unable to move my feet.I know she won't listen me today & I don't want to,But only 'ONE' can listen me today & he have to.
If love is just a part of life, I call some part of this life being STUPID:)It would be completely improper to say anything without an example.You might have remembered the previous release of DEEPIKA ( always my prime concern ).But my mouth remained open,the girl had brought myself on my feet,who was that girl?..........HERLIN KAUR .Each & Everyone was appreciating LOVE-KAL.The way a 'DIE-HARED LOVER' had given all his efforts to keep himself all-around her.Moreover her unpredictable move by switching her position in a moving train.No exchange of words,but complete exchange of heart.But what about LOVE -AAJ? Friends!!!DO we have any other choice after that typical Indian love story? After all,we prefer "relationship" over "works & ideal" while watching NICE-ROMANTIC MOVIES.....isn't it?Finally Bollywood manage to continue its legacy(paisa-wasool).Now I am giving here some TWIST because it is imperative to reveal my stupidity followed by her maturity,before your final VERDICT.

A practical wise:
Why did you come for? Do you want to remind me anything? There is no match between me & you. After that too,I had told you.......Oh!!!! This is your PROBLEM ,once I have talked to you in a friendly manner you are just trying to figure out something.That is not what are you here for?
& Compliments ??? Can you even talk to me in my language properly? & perhaps You have assumed, as I am soft hearted,kind & generous so that anything you offer me I would accept necessarily,again & again....?
& as far as love & affection is concerned.......
Of course, I love you but I love pets also.In fact, I love every living thing.What does it mean? & one more thing......I can't stand with your please look too longer .It's like hindrance for my ever smiling face.so please...

How lucky for me if I could have listen 'this' words from her,in her soft voice.she kept everything unstated...,But when I looked straight into her deep eyes(they never betray) her words were loud & clear.

An emotional Fool:
Again there is no reason but there is an Occasion.My friends tells me that there celebration reduced to half if they don't wish there beloved ones.But GOD knows I haven't celebrated even a single festival without your compliments.I admire your self-control but I don't have half of that & perhaps it is constant presence of your beauty which dragged me here once again.so if it is possible for you please......& one more thing, no doubt I am down with your fever from the very first day I saw you.But yesterday when I saw you in 'salwar-kamiz' & in loose hair,I get totally flat.Do you have any idea that you can look more beautiful,once you want to!!!!

How lucky for me if I could have told this words to her in my stammering voice .& after that incidence my eyes are no longer expressive for her.

Now tell me friends;Which side your personality would have dominated on that day?I apologizes not to behave as properly as I should have & as she likes.But was it really difficult to accept one's compliments? & friends ....am I just a puppet in her hands ? Does my happiness only depends upon her mood?

But your silence is like an order to me. I know your verdict.& after killing almost one year(either standing still or moving aimlessly.....),I myself felt that My "unnecessary emotion & senseless sentiments" have spoiled my career as well as & my relationship .Thank U IMTIYAZ , as of now I have chosen LOVE AAJ.& thank U Mr.perfect!!!you never ever reacted on me like everyone else did everyday.(What are you doing pankaj.....?be practical & quit.)Yup,Time has really come to quit.Not because I am tired or harassed,just because I realized it completely that I need a social landscape (not this INTERNET) where I can put my heart in front of her without your advice or interference.& listen it carefully, once & for all.......that I can't get practical for her.This is exactly my PROBLEM.I can't behave as a hypocrite with whom I am deeply affectionate.I haven't learn to live up with dual character with my beloved ones'.(sab kuch sikha maine na sikhi hossiyari......) & I can't any decision of my life just on 50-50.I always have to give all my efforts, more than my 200%.& thereafter also, I leave the 'choose' option for others to think ....to decide(Because beggars can't be choosers).This is what I am.& I am not going to change for anyone (either after next couple of years or the rest of my life..)because these words are not only the words of an emotional fool.These are the word of a responsible son ,caring brother ,good friend...& I am answerable to all of them & I will have to.
so Friends; just pray for the happieeeees ending, because I am praying already everyday,every time,every moment.& I'll pray for my entire life & in all lives.Can't U listen.....?
but HE have to listen.GOD!!!! bless her,make her always happy.

Look!!!! Even toaday I haven't given anything except my true blessings.Because you deserve more what I can offer you today.The only compliment to your beauty is WISDOM, no flowers ,no cards,nothing...which are mortal.& yes,In general I have seen so many boys,but if I have ever wish to admire some rare human qualities like...SELF -SUFFICIENT,SELF -ESTEEMED,SELF-DEPENDENT & SELF-CONTROLLED, at its best-that makes someone PERFECT-you are of that kind...which is quite rare.Don't U think Exactly after one year, I have known you by my own, without anyone's help ????
But Ms Perfect it's my little urge.......that If someone deserve your acquaintance, your company, no 'virtue' in giving your laughter(LOL).It is by default.'Virtue' is the thing to give your defeating smile to us, to strangers,to undeserved.So stay smiling & for everyone, as you always.... :) & If you would ever believe in "LOVE"(possibly not yet..); Strange are the ways of love ,so strangers should be given priority.
& At last I just want to say...not easy for me to accept it publicly & that -too at the first time in my life,But now I am mature enough to accept....Yesterday I was in 'LOVE KAL' with YOU,Today I am in 'LOVE AAJ' with YOU & tomorrow I will do 'LOVE HAMESHA.....' with you & I really have to wait for tomorrow because my destiny is 'LOVE hamesha....' with you not limited to 'love aaj-kal' only.& you might have observed that I never did anything which I wish to hide from YOU & from anyone,because desire to hide means I am afraid.(pyar kiya to darna kya.....?)so let me see!!!how much time would I take to say this vocally, personally & that too in your language.
& Now ,Enough for the relationship...But remember,it was just my proper way of madness,picture to abhi baki hai...........

Hai Dhokha toh khale,kabhi to aajmale....
jo maine tha kahna,kah diya bus that's it.
Love mera hit-hit.........

tall se taal mila.....

From the first day I have seen her ,I always tried to see her everyday.But when I see, I found she is not whom ,I saw yesterday.This happened again,when I saw her today.(she is really backed to college). New charm on her ever smiling face like a piece of full moon,new enlightenment in her eyes like a blue sapphire, new enthu in her arms .......every thing was new about her. & Truly said 'what can a man do if gals get together',So I remained calm - only my eyes were moving on her with unhurried curiosity - & standing with the help of pillar as if it was perfect gesture for me to WELCOME her.I realized it again that my madness only aroused by her constant presence of beauty.

It is unnatural for me to dream about her without my beloved friend's help.Entire holiday He was pouring out sound of amazement & curiosity "where do U go every-evening?". Will I ever get rid of this WHY & WHERE ? I knew that she had gone but I could see her standing there .but this was not enough.Everyone raised an eyebrow on me "how have U celebrated NAVARATRA without your beloved one's "?I don't know what was the driving force which had stopped me to meet my mom,But on the eve of navratra I really felt lonely,my eyes suddenly filled with tears & there was no one to wipe it out.Why I am still not been able to tell her...., just how much it means to have a special person like her & share some words of happiness.& perhaps GODDESS was saying to me, SON, "Her exquisite beauty is to be worshipped , not only to be desired.Her instincts & virtues are to be followed,not only to be admired.The greatest virtue of mankind "LOVE" , is not only to achieve ,but to give." of course !!!I am her true WORSHIPPER & a blind FOLLOWER (some fools call me LOVER also). but when she calls me STRANGER it hurts.She still refuses me to accept me as her devotee .But I know "Duaa to haule haule hi lagti hai na".so keep praying....& Till then, I am pankaj ,your immediate senior. atleast naam to........

maana anjaan (stranger)huun main tere waste,
maana anjaan (stranger) hai tu mere waaste,
tu mujhko jaan le ,main tujhko jaan loon, iss "tall" se taal mila.....Taal se taal mila!!!!

my moon eclipsed.......

Sometimes in your life,when life offers you a dream beyond any of your expectation..,your imagination; it isn't resonable to grieve when it comes to an end.SHE came.........but did she really come for me ?

Waiting for someone,when you are not sure whether she would come or not,racing for something infinitly more precious, when you are a great loser.....but it was not important that she would come late ,for me it was important that she would come & she came.......in her typical & my favorite look.There was immoblie approval in her eyes,her legs were moving slower & slower as if it was difficult to find her way in twilight condition.For a moment, I was in seventh heaven....Oh GOD.... don't let me down!!!! but........
Once again I was deceived...my wishes remained silent...my presence remained unrecognized .she was leaving for an uncertain vacation & I was unable to listen her voice ....her soft & gentle pitch voice.my friend asked "Are you OK dear".........? "YES" I lied.It is only known to me how I had stopped myself without crying, my heart was about to burst, but I have said it earlier that I would never ever try to hamper her privacy,maintain the public decency & decorum for her,So 'I AM SORRY .sorry for being "DUMB" again.

I was in my way to find your new definition apart from this callous crowd(PURI-an ideal place for introvert holiday maker).One of my friend said" pankaj ....had she been here ,along with you ...?They are such fools,don't they know ......your laughter is more audible than the high tide of the aquamarine ocean,your white skin is more pure than the brightness of the shiny pearls spreading near sea,pride of your beauty is much higher than the courage of lions walking second next to our vehicle.( in NANDANKANAN), your self control is more firm than the rigid walls of KONARK temple & if I close my eyes more than the normal blinking time, your appearance becomes more visible than statue of Lord Jagannath(Trust of millions).you are always along with me.But if it is possible for you,please come soon because it is not possible for me to close my eyes entire holiday........

chand ko kya maalom chahata hai use koi chakor.......

wo bechara door se dhekhe ...Bina machye shoor.........!!!!!!!

Waiting........is it only long to me ?

Writing anything to anyone always said to be unconditional & one sided affair & perhaps Internet is the most appropriate way to show my affection & that too "PUBLICLY" .But No one could ever feel how "LONELY" I feel about you.(I am hoping ...you will).Whatever I have written till now....are humorous ,affectionate, discursive, but not the way a lover usually writes .........But today I want some liberty & even the high walls of your "GH" not going to stop me today, to give you my compliments.

One can travel whole world & see nothing.....But today traveling 5 minutes with you ... I got everything.Your presence always makes me believe that, there really exist a GOD somewhere, in whom I ever had hardly believed.I realized worship & trust are inseparable & perhaps It is enlightenment of your oriental eyes ......... still persisting in my eyes & I am not going to sleep tonight.(By the way I am still not prepared for my tomorrow's Engg. paper). You are not ready to give up your WHY,I am looking for my HOW, because I have learned how to live up with your aspiration...your dreams.your instinct are stronger than any reason to 'talk with you',but few things are said .....without being told.It was again difficult to show ice-cool temperament under nerve wreaking situation....when I saw you.How could anyone laugh with such an apparent ease...How could anyone offer joy & happiness without asking any debt........?I am not sure what are You doing .........but one thing is for certain you have done your job today & do what you feel like doing !!!!!


"jaane se pahle ek bar milna to jarori hota hai"........

isqe me jaldi bada jurmana............

How long could I stop myself to listen her voice again? but if you want to see the colour of a rainbow..,you have to put up with the rain.After a long duration (approx 10 month....)I found her alone,but when our eyes met ,I saw a mock surprise at her ever - smiling face as if she has never seen me before, as if nothing has happened between us.There was no encouragement at all.....but perhaps it's her affection that makes me this much bold, to stop her & soon her bewilderment turned into smiley.It was a thing ...which had to be done before.......!!!!!!!Her words came slowly & swiftly as if she was prepared for me.Truly said ...If beauty is power a smile is its sword & she was using this weapon in such a way,....that I would have died if I would have stand '2' more minutes. how other boys stand against her,my feet were trembling ....because my tall figure,my strong arms,my high shoulders stand nowhere near her modesty,near her shyness,near her simplicity. After a pleasant meeting I realized how my friends had always been wrong about her ............& how I had always been right about her.I know she was flirting.............but who cares (at least she did something with me....).Actually she is neither what she says about her,but she always pretend to be . & friends!!!!she assured me that she would talk to me............but "WAIT" .She don't know how much optimistic I am about her, I will wait till the end of this world ......if her GOD let me to live that long.
Tere liye, hum hai jiye ..............
hotho ko siye,dil me magar jalte rahe chahto ke diye,tere liye.....

I admire you today.....

"Pictures says thousand words."I felt it so deeply when one of my friend has gifted me some of her pictures celebrating DIWALI.Thank u friends being so caring.While looking at those pictures,I was wondering between the difference in, what she looks & what she really is. Dancing,swaying,laughing, along with her friends ....so mischievous indeed & simply justifying "why should boys have all the fun?" What a joy that would be to spent a moment with her ,that would be my Diwali.I notice for the first time -how long her legs & hands -which I always dreamt about,how her black eyes were smiling.This was enough for me to distract,but it had it's charm to lost in her.The pleasure was so deep ,I shared my happiness with my beloved friend. Look at her !!! Dear, Have you seen such honest pleasure at anyone's face? how immaculately she has dressed herself? how.....................?
There was a naughty smile at his face........Pankaj !! Are you reading properly or not? .....(for the first time in my life I am serious about relationship & he reminded me of work & ideals.).....Don't talk about her,talk to her.you can't understand such creatures, being what you are my innocent friend.I replied him "talk to her!!! Have you forgotten ,how her pride hurts to listen a single word of mine? & if she would ask me the same question" why should I talk to you?".......... Being a boy, I still don't know why gals talk to boys?
OK, I'll talk to her, anything..Though I have seen her around in college, sometimes sitting on downstairs......sometimes hurrying for classes....But how lucky for me if I could have find her alone.Never once since my return from home I have seen her single. Her friends always stick with her.
After a long discussion he left my room threatening that he will check my regular progress(in studies).but as of now,when she is nearer & dearer to me than any other could ever be,no one can stop me to see her regularly.Friends!!!! I admire her today more than yesterday....& waiting for tomorrow.
kaisi hai ye doorie.....
kaisi majboori....
maine najro se tujhe choo liya............................

wo kahte hai main uss jaisa nahi.............

It have been long since, I have seen her.....the only thing which I can do ,but still I have to wait 3 more days(to end this dull & dry summer vacation.....) !!! Now when I have accepted all that blessing, which came today...I am missing my last visual contact with her!!!I always keep my beloved friend at such precious moments as an evidence.It was last day of college but this time too it was difficult for her to subdue her pride.my friend asked me indignantly "saale kya bol diye ho ....dhekhti bhi nahi hai......"it isn't as if he has said this for the first time.I replied calmly "wahi jo tum bole thee...."He always given me enough space to develope my self along with him since boyhood, but still he is socially more experienced & I always take his advice granted for me .I remember every single word when I going to give my first -impression to her!!!!!!! PANKAJ .......(a deep silence...) this gals can no longer endure those conversation in which they are not involved.they hate to hear those talks in which they are not the prime concern.......so she must be your prime concern....... so I did my friends & I told her everything that goes inside me with simple naturalness & with a please look.I was expecting that she would probably blush or stammer!!!but sometimes things won't come-out the way you want them.
my friend was still smiling ,trying his level best to convince me that i am inferior in any way to anyone. BUT.....she is a girl in million with very rare spirits, she is not supposed to take everything that goes inside you ,your gifts,your cards .....Because you boys alwyas try to take the liberty for that .........don't U? i was speechless but today............On my b'day ....I just want to ask you my friennds........ "tum kahte ho main uss jaisa nahi ...par kyo mujh jaisi lagti hai wo,...............

tujhe sab hai pata..........hai na maa!!!

MOM-How do you always know,whatever I wish to hide from you? It always be a great pleasure for me to sit & chat with you about my early childhood memories.How did you allow me to go apart from you..........& on MOTHER'S DAY -not for the first time- I miss you too much!!!!

MOM,What would be the best compliment to your 'beauty' would I give you -I think it is 'beauty' itself.
So this year I am going to introduce you ,in whom I nowdays can percieve your presence.Though I hardly catch few glimpses of her, I have had to fight hard to control my emotion whenever I see her,somehow I manage to stop myself as she took few second to disappear leaving..............an image of her benign smile- too much promising of her happiness ,her long hair fell in loose -not too long but enough to curl around her neck ,her rosy cheeks becomes more redder-when she aware of other's eyes staring on her.Mom she is much prettier & beautiful in reality ,what you would possibly think of her being.I still remember her once heard soft & gentle pitch voice "thank U".... not sounding thank U at all .My friends tell me that I expressed my affection so badly, she won't even look at you......."Kya itna bura hunn mai maa"............?
But thank U MOM -for the tolerance you have placed in me.I am trying to listen her silence..,enjoying every moment of her negligence ..........I don't know MOM where it might end.But I hope One day she would appear in a person in front of you rather than in my memory............

a narrow miss...........

Whenever I tried to come closer to her,my fate always stand in front with a ready excuse. I faced such situation so many times earlier-it hardly makes a difference.But this excuse is so obsessive ,I feel myself cheated. Having good physique & good health I always take privilege over others specially in sports events,Weather it is field-event, track-event,volleyball,............But I am too bad in basketball. So here comes trouble for me.

Crowd were shouting at the top of their voices at our only public basketball ground.I never in my entire college life have seen such energetic players & cheerful crowd.Perhaps it was first time when both were advised too keep their emotional & sarcastic biases outside the field & not to act on any comment how offensive they might find it.It was obvious ,because gals are also among the spectators.she was also there, pretended not to see me,Perhaps lights were insufficient.But I didn't allow my eyes to left her even for a second.she was irresistible ..............overjoyed eyes,impeccably tied hair -back on shoulder,praising the players with her enthusiastic & soft voice & as usual my words seems inadequate for her.....Really, once when you are on the field it does not matter how you look like,it only matters how well you perform.So i was confident that "had I been there ,I would make both triumph at once-one over my opponent & other on............".......".but I was really cheated,cheated by my fortune. "so friends you always tell me you don't require fair amount of chances,you only require fair amount of time.One may say -wasted '1.8' years ,2.5 years in their college life.I just want to tell them,i haven't wasted my time ............Adhi gujar gayi aarjoo me ,aur lagta hai aadhi gujar jayegi intejaar me.

everything for you maam.................

What else would I write apart from the title,which I have opted here. But the faith & altruism I experienced -is so deep & profound -I feel I have no other choice , except to write it.Motherhood !!!!! It has been truly said "Since God can't be everywhere he created mothers".My mother ,The best mother I could hope for.But I always missed her proximity.(I am a great hostler).But recently I have confronted a woman with whom I feel myself perfectly worthy of her.I completely lost myself-sometimes by her deep arresting voice,sometimes by her subtle smile ,sometimes by her expressive eyes ........above all ,she took my praise by her right.yeah !!!!! She is my English Tutor,My friends always make fun with me & saying .....She looks almost similar to "HER".Of course!!!!!!! friends,But I want to tell you that 'HER' similar appearance with maam , possessed with heavenly features(eyes ,nose ,cheeks.....) is not my prime concern.'HER' wisdom & benevolence which led "HER" career interest to teach nursery kids (unique similarity)- that concerns me & make her my clear favorite.
Friends you have always given me big favors.I need one more .Don't u think I have to keep my faith alive............since my maam make me believe that these gals are really vulnerable to love & sympathy.& I need love not sympathy.please tell your gods to send such woman in my life so that I feel myself more & more closer to 'HER'!!!!!!!

Happy valentines day............

Well friends!!!!!! U would have prepared for this day I think, I was not very much far behind U, specially at this year!!!!But.......Let me see how many other secrets are yet to be revealed  by my destiny??????

From the very childhood, in quest of achieving goals,pursue my cherised dream,focus on my future ,I always missed & sacrificed a fascinating & amazing life ,which was available in front of me.Now if I am trying to choose the alternative(as I succeced up to some extent),Am I going to the wrong path????

I realised that ,there are no such things ,as a CO-INCIDENCE going to happen in my life,which usually occurs in our bollywood  hindi movies.....RHTDM,Rab ne bana......etc ,when would my fate yield me some reward?????

It has been said"SATYAM SIVAM SUNDARAM".satya hi shiv hai shiv hi sundar hai...that is ,Beauty & Truth are synonyms .But Beauty always remain an Illusion for me.So when would I believe  that there really exists a GOD(also a synonym) somewhere??

I am not harshed or depressed in asking this question,but why I am trying to impose my affection ,my emotion ,my sentiment If someone refuse to acknowledge my presence? Why am I adoring myself if someone took no notice of me?.yeah!!!!! I m trying to carve out of  my self from this infatuation & I need your help.........

i tried to know someone by my own........

After a long gap, I would meet her again ,to give her some compliments, new year wishes (who knows-it may lead to endless talks ???????? ) & when the day is very near than ever, I am afraid to go ahead.
Friends !!!! Is it necessary to know someone before u talk to him/her .I found it very difficult to know someone by my own.
If someone loves children or is a BABYLOVER , does it mean her behaviour is childlike ......... innocent , pious & pure or does she want to be treated as a child...cared & loved.........but I think every child needs a "LAP".
If someone closes her eyes while LAUGHING.......does it mean she wants to hide her shyness & that too - without watching other's response (she looks amazing when she laughs).
If someone is passionate for DANCING, does it mean-she is cheerful & confident enough to face audience response as well as reaction ?
U may laugh at this, but If someone enjoys FLIRTING ...does it mean that she has been taught (may be) by her mother to talk & behave so generously with everyone around her. (& we guys call it flirting) ?
if someone has dreamt of CANDLELIGHT dinner, does it mean that she is too
romantic & wants to become blind & doesn't want to see anyone except that "fortunate" sitting right in front of her ?
I agree, Love should never be kept in a "solitary confinement".it must be
displayed and that too-publicly !!!! I haven't got any such opportunity but........I got
"vicarious" thrill as someone else portrays my love & affection in his own style. One can realize my pleasure in a better way, who finds himself in it's clutches as well. yeah!!!! "someone" who calls himself "UNDEFINED" but for me he is WELL-DEFINED". why I always trust on this great soul? bada simple hai ji..haule-haule hi sahi ....wo sabke dil pe "RAJ" karta hai ji...lekin maine to "RAB" se kuch aur bhi magna hai ji......... friends my perception may be wrong ....but tell me - what do U think?????????????

lo aa gayi lodi wee.. saja lo jodi wee...

The tag may be humorous,but i expect that someone should at least remember my name in a typical SRK style "naam to yaad hi hoga............" when we meet again.
Friends on the eve of "LOHRI" am here with a flood of questions which i can't answer,so listen to them carefully.one of my wellwishers regularly reminds me (more than enough) to...... work hard, read properly,prove yourself better than others.but does he know ,like any of my other friends there must be something for me to live for? yeah!!!! my "friends(having gf's)" , i asked so many questions about their first meeting...,about their happiest experiences..,how did they get trapped...&
they replied me excitingly "pankaj yaar",it was mere a chance of co-incidence".they discovered so many similarities such as like -dislike,opinion,hobbies.But i haven't found any such similarity Except (one nose,two eyes,precisely good height........) " Is it enough???????????? " they meet after regular intervals of time ,receptive of their ideas.But i hardly got a chance to give any compliment . "Why this b'day comes only once in a year?????????" they would have wept so much (may be entire life) if their respective 'gf's 'did not accept their "PROPOSAL".whereas I won't be able to stop my tears if she considers my "PLEA" . " Why am I so emotional?????????"
I may be so gregarious in front of you.But "why was I at a loss of words while talking to her for the first time???????????????"
& last but not the least i admire her in my dreams,in my fantacy & specially in my "RAB".but i won't remain an admirer.so friends "AM I OVERAMBITIOUS????????????????????????????????????"