tumhe dekh kar aaj kal likh raha huun..

What is a life without a bit of romantic fantasy.It was summer of '04.Then,as now,the most romantic thing to do was to watch a movie.It's really easy being as romantic as people in the movies.I am trying too relate some of my recollection when my friend poked me just after the song..Is baat ko agar tum, jara ghuma phira ke kahte,to achcha hota.. most popular track of "LAKHSAY" and he said , pankaj.. it's a curse being so irresistible.Wanting to come to the point at once..is the sign of a businessman but not of a....
So I took almost two year to ask for a cup of coffee/dinner.I know it was not a good idea,but i had to try my friends, I had to request that's my part and I know that I have tried everything.
I have seen women explaining everything instead of straight denial.As for example..oh,that was very sweet of you but I am sorry,I couldn't make this happen.But i think, she had said "NO" too many times;it was best for her to say nothing and she said nothing.Girls always struggle with choices anyway; from the clothes they wear to the friends they make..so I was okay with that, but sometimes it hurts when people fail to understand true affection and adamantly refuse to give it the respect it deserve.
Anyway,for the last two months I am busy in perfectly unimportant things..bodybuilding,chat on omegle,watching sas-bahu serials..many more.So I tried to get friendly with some of my batch mates and started with proper salutation..Hello, how are you doing ? I was surprised when they said.."Sidhe point pe aao na..." Alas!!!what happened to these girls.I always failed to give quick results but now they want instant gratification.Are they moving fast or I am walking at a snail's pace.It's the way girls are :) however we will continue as we have been...

Brilliant effort!!!

Nukkad-as everyone know- go around ,telling everyone about,towards the altruism of society without looking for any appraisal.My friend says "it is for boys & for those girls who have nothing better to do."& for me it was my return ticket to my evocative memories spent in KGP.

There is huge difference between a mastermind & a foolishly romantic person.Artists perform what they usually write & we write what they actually perform......"Eyes were flattery but the expression of face was serene.Voices were audible but thoughts were ambiguous." Really these characters are indecipherable maze & they want opposite what they usually think or pretend.(wolf in a sheep's clothing :)

I have given much thought not to think because time has taught me not to belief on hopes.But I still belief that nothing happen by chance or deliberately.Things have there own secret plans even though someone barely understand it.& like SRK ,I can say if you want to achieve something the whole world conspire you to achieve ,but not to forget ......."All good things must wait."

Uff teri nazar.......

Humko aata nahi hai chupaana...

Do you know friends!!! What is my problem?
Although I have reached to the stage of youth from early stage of adolescence, but without crossing the intermediate stage of 'maturity'.Perhaps my mom nurtured me only with COMPLAN(6 feet +) instead of proper IODINE salt(a slow learner).Asking right question to ownself can be terribly important in most of the situations.Especially, when people escape just by saying, they are answerable to themselves only.
Anyway,My emotion aroused again(I can't help it), as the day has come for which I have waited so long,more than anyone else possibly would have.But when the day is at my door step, I am unable to move my feet.I know she won't listen me today & I don't want to,But only 'ONE' can listen me today & he have to.
If love is just a part of life, I call some part of this life being STUPID:)It would be completely improper to say anything without an example.You might have remembered the previous release of DEEPIKA ( always my prime concern ).But my mouth remained open,the girl had brought myself on my feet,who was that girl?..........HERLIN KAUR .Each & Everyone was appreciating LOVE-KAL.The way a 'DIE-HARED LOVER' had given all his efforts to keep himself all-around her.Moreover her unpredictable move by switching her position in a moving train.No exchange of words,but complete exchange of heart.But what about LOVE -AAJ? Friends!!!DO we have any other choice after that typical Indian love story? After all,we prefer "relationship" over "works & ideal" while watching NICE-ROMANTIC MOVIES.....isn't it?Finally Bollywood manage to continue its legacy(paisa-wasool).Now I am giving here some TWIST because it is imperative to reveal my stupidity followed by her maturity,before your final VERDICT.

A practical wise:
Why did you come for? Do you want to remind me anything? There is no match between me & you. After that too,I had told you.......Oh!!!! This is your PROBLEM ,once I have talked to you in a friendly manner you are just trying to figure out something.That is not what are you here for?
& Compliments ??? Can you even talk to me in my language properly? & perhaps You have assumed, as I am soft hearted,kind & generous so that anything you offer me I would accept necessarily,again & again....?
& as far as love & affection is concerned.......
Of course, I love you but I love pets also.In fact, I love every living thing.What does it mean? & one more thing......I can't stand with your please look too longer .It's like hindrance for my ever smiling face.so please...

How lucky for me if I could have listen 'this' words from her,in her soft voice.she kept everything unstated...,But when I looked straight into her deep eyes(they never betray) her words were loud & clear.

An emotional Fool:
Again there is no reason but there is an Occasion.My friends tells me that there celebration reduced to half if they don't wish there beloved ones.But GOD knows I haven't celebrated even a single festival without your compliments.I admire your self-control but I don't have half of that & perhaps it is constant presence of your beauty which dragged me here once again.so if it is possible for you please......& one more thing, no doubt I am down with your fever from the very first day I saw you.But yesterday when I saw you in 'salwar-kamiz' & in loose hair,I get totally flat.Do you have any idea that you can look more beautiful,once you want to!!!!

How lucky for me if I could have told this words to her in my stammering voice .& after that incidence my eyes are no longer expressive for her.

Now tell me friends;Which side your personality would have dominated on that day?I apologizes not to behave as properly as I should have & as she likes.But was it really difficult to accept one's compliments? & friends ....am I just a puppet in her hands ? Does my happiness only depends upon her mood?

But your silence is like an order to me. I know your verdict.& after killing almost one year(either standing still or moving aimlessly.....),I myself felt that My "unnecessary emotion & senseless sentiments" have spoiled my career as well as & my relationship .Thank U IMTIYAZ , as of now I have chosen LOVE AAJ.& thank U Mr.perfect!!!you never ever reacted on me like everyone else did everyday.(What are you doing pankaj.....?be practical & quit.)Yup,Time has really come to quit.Not because I am tired or harassed,just because I realized it completely that I need a social landscape (not this INTERNET) where I can put my heart in front of her without your advice or interference.& listen it carefully, once & for all.......that I can't get practical for her.This is exactly my PROBLEM.I can't behave as a hypocrite with whom I am deeply affectionate.I haven't learn to live up with dual character with my beloved ones'.(sab kuch sikha maine na sikhi hossiyari......) & I can't any decision of my life just on 50-50.I always have to give all my efforts, more than my 200%.& thereafter also, I leave the 'choose' option for others to think ....to decide(Because beggars can't be choosers).This is what I am.& I am not going to change for anyone (either after next couple of years or the rest of my life..)because these words are not only the words of an emotional fool.These are the word of a responsible son ,caring brother ,good friend...& I am answerable to all of them & I will have to.
so Friends; just pray for the happieeeees ending, because I am praying already everyday,every time,every moment.& I'll pray for my entire life & in all lives.Can't U listen.....?
but HE have to listen.GOD!!!! bless her,make her always happy.

Look!!!! Even toaday I haven't given anything except my true blessings.Because you deserve more what I can offer you today.The only compliment to your beauty is WISDOM, no flowers ,no cards,nothing...which are mortal.& yes,In general I have seen so many boys,but if I have ever wish to admire some rare human qualities like...SELF -SUFFICIENT,SELF -ESTEEMED,SELF-DEPENDENT & SELF-CONTROLLED, at its best-that makes someone PERFECT-you are of that kind...which is quite rare.Don't U think Exactly after one year, I have known you by my own, without anyone's help ????
But Ms Perfect it's my little urge.......that If someone deserve your acquaintance, your company, no 'virtue' in giving your laughter(LOL).It is by default.'Virtue' is the thing to give your defeating smile to us, to strangers,to undeserved.So stay smiling & for everyone, as you always.... :) & If you would ever believe in "LOVE"(possibly not yet..); Strange are the ways of love ,so strangers should be given priority.
& At last I just want to say...not easy for me to accept it publicly & that -too at the first time in my life,But now I am mature enough to accept....Yesterday I was in 'LOVE KAL' with YOU,Today I am in 'LOVE AAJ' with YOU & tomorrow I will do 'LOVE HAMESHA.....' with you & I really have to wait for tomorrow because my destiny is 'LOVE hamesha....' with you not limited to 'love aaj-kal' only.& you might have observed that I never did anything which I wish to hide from YOU & from anyone,because desire to hide means I am afraid.(pyar kiya to darna kya.....?)so let me see!!!how much time would I take to say this vocally, personally & that too in your language.
& Now ,Enough for the relationship...But remember,it was just my proper way of madness,picture to abhi baki hai...........

Hai Dhokha toh khale,kabhi to aajmale....
jo maine tha kahna,kah diya bus that's it.
Love mera hit-hit.........

tall se taal mila.....

From the first day I have seen her ,I always tried to see her everyday.But when I see, I found she is not whom ,I saw yesterday.This happened again,when I saw her today.(she is really backed to college). New charm on her ever smiling face like a piece of full moon,new enlightenment in her eyes like a blue sapphire, new enthu in her arms .......every thing was new about her. & Truly said 'what can a man do if gals get together',So I remained calm - only my eyes were moving on her with unhurried curiosity - & standing with the help of pillar as if it was perfect gesture for me to WELCOME her.I realized it again that my madness only aroused by her constant presence of beauty.

It is unnatural for me to dream about her without my beloved friend's help.Entire holiday He was pouring out sound of amazement & curiosity "where do U go every-evening?". Will I ever get rid of this WHY & WHERE ? I knew that she had gone but I could see her standing there .but this was not enough.Everyone raised an eyebrow on me "how have U celebrated NAVARATRA without your beloved one's "?I don't know what was the driving force which had stopped me to meet my mom,But on the eve of navratra I really felt lonely,my eyes suddenly filled with tears & there was no one to wipe it out.Why I am still not been able to tell her...., just how much it means to have a special person like her & share some words of happiness.& perhaps GODDESS was saying to me, SON, "Her exquisite beauty is to be worshipped , not only to be desired.Her instincts & virtues are to be followed,not only to be admired.The greatest virtue of mankind "LOVE" , is not only to achieve ,but to give." of course !!!I am her true WORSHIPPER & a blind FOLLOWER (some fools call me LOVER also). but when she calls me STRANGER it hurts.She still refuses me to accept me as her devotee .But I know "Duaa to haule haule hi lagti hai na".so keep praying....& Till then, I am pankaj ,your immediate senior. atleast naam to........

maana anjaan (stranger)huun main tere waste,
maana anjaan (stranger) hai tu mere waaste,
tu mujhko jaan le ,main tujhko jaan loon, iss "tall" se taal mila.....Taal se taal mila!!!!

my moon eclipsed.......

Sometimes in your life,when life offers you a dream beyond any of your expectation..,your imagination; it isn't resonable to grieve when it comes to an end.SHE came.........but did she really come for me ?

Waiting for someone,when you are not sure whether she would come or not,racing for something infinitly more precious, when you are a great loser.....but it was not important that she would come late ,for me it was important that she would come & she came.......in her typical & my favorite look.There was immoblie approval in her eyes,her legs were moving slower & slower as if it was difficult to find her way in twilight condition.For a moment, I was in seventh heaven....Oh GOD.... don't let me down!!!! but........
Once again I was deceived...my wishes remained silent...my presence remained unrecognized .she was leaving for an uncertain vacation & I was unable to listen her voice ....her soft & gentle pitch voice.my friend asked "Are you OK dear".........? "YES" I lied.It is only known to me how I had stopped myself without crying, my heart was about to burst, but I have said it earlier that I would never ever try to hamper her privacy,maintain the public decency & decorum for her,So 'I AM SORRY .sorry for being "DUMB" again.

I was in my way to find your new definition apart from this callous crowd(PURI-an ideal place for introvert holiday maker).One of my friend said" pankaj ....had she been here ,along with you ...?They are such fools,don't they know ......your laughter is more audible than the high tide of the aquamarine ocean,your white skin is more pure than the brightness of the shiny pearls spreading near sea,pride of your beauty is much higher than the courage of lions walking second next to our vehicle.( in NANDANKANAN), your self control is more firm than the rigid walls of KONARK temple & if I close my eyes more than the normal blinking time, your appearance becomes more visible than statue of Lord Jagannath(Trust of millions).you are always along with me.But if it is possible for you,please come soon because it is not possible for me to close my eyes entire holiday........

chand ko kya maalom chahata hai use koi chakor.......

wo bechara door se dhekhe ...Bina machye shoor.........!!!!!!!

Waiting........is it only long to me ?

Writing anything to anyone always said to be unconditional & one sided affair & perhaps Internet is the most appropriate way to show my affection & that too "PUBLICLY" .But No one could ever feel how "LONELY" I feel about you.(I am hoping ...you will).Whatever I have written till now....are humorous ,affectionate, discursive, but not the way a lover usually writes .........But today I want some liberty & even the high walls of your "GH" not going to stop me today, to give you my compliments.

One can travel whole world & see nothing.....But today traveling 5 minutes with you ... I got everything.Your presence always makes me believe that, there really exist a GOD somewhere, in whom I ever had hardly believed.I realized worship & trust are inseparable & perhaps It is enlightenment of your oriental eyes ......... still persisting in my eyes & I am not going to sleep tonight.(By the way I am still not prepared for my tomorrow's Engg. paper). You are not ready to give up your WHY,I am looking for my HOW, because I have learned how to live up with your aspiration...your dreams.your instinct are stronger than any reason to 'talk with you',but few things are said .....without being told.It was again difficult to show ice-cool temperament under nerve wreaking situation....when I saw you.How could anyone laugh with such an apparent ease...How could anyone offer joy & happiness without asking any debt........?I am not sure what are You doing .........but one thing is for certain you have done your job today & do what you feel like doing !!!!!


"jaane se pahle ek bar milna to jarori hota hai"........

isqe me jaldi bada jurmana............

How long could I stop myself to listen her voice again? but if you want to see the colour of a rainbow..,you have to put up with the rain.After a long duration (approx 10 month....)I found her alone,but when our eyes met ,I saw a mock surprise at her ever - smiling face as if she has never seen me before, as if nothing has happened between us.There was no encouragement at all.....but perhaps it's her affection that makes me this much bold, to stop her & soon her bewilderment turned into smiley.It was a thing ...which had to be done before.......!!!!!!!Her words came slowly & swiftly as if she was prepared for me.Truly said ...If beauty is power a smile is its sword & she was using this weapon in such a way,....that I would have died if I would have stand '2' more minutes. how other boys stand against her,my feet were trembling ....because my tall figure,my strong arms,my high shoulders stand nowhere near her modesty,near her shyness,near her simplicity. After a pleasant meeting I realized how my friends had always been wrong about her ............& how I had always been right about her.I know she was flirting.............but who cares (at least she did something with me....).Actually she is neither what she says about her,but she always pretend to be . & friends!!!!she assured me that she would talk to me............but "WAIT" .She don't know how much optimistic I am about her, I will wait till the end of this world ......if her GOD let me to live that long.
Tere liye, hum hai jiye ..............
hotho ko siye,dil me magar jalte rahe chahto ke diye,tere liye.....